"I think love is when I put myself even when I'm tired, and I carry myself up the stairs even though my knees ache. I think love is when I buy myself a coffee when I'm broke, and I know that I'll get myself back later. I think love is letting myself love someone, even though I am so scared. Love is a heavy thing that carries you as much as you carry it."
Hmmm, to love someone so genuinely. Honestly, I never wanted na ma-reciprocate yung feelings ko sakanya. Alam mo yun? Para bang masaya na ako dati na nakikita ko siya araw-araw. Masaya akong masaya siya. Ngayon kaya, sa mga panahong ito, okay na kaya siya? I honestly don't know how anxiety feels like. Being anxious, yes I know how it feels. But having and experiencing anxiety, I can't understand. But I chose to understand because that is how much I love him. I chose to let him go because that's what he wanted. We never even had a thing para may matapos in the first place 'di ba?
But every moments, every memories with him, na parang vague na ngayon, kasi hindi ko na siya nakakausap, nakikikita, parang iba na, at alam kong pareho na kaming nagbagong dalawa. It's been seven months since we stopped talking because that's what he asked for. Wala naman akong magagawa 'di ba? Kahit na mahal ko na yung tao, kung hindi na niya gusto, wala na naman akong laban.
Pero hanggang ngayon, kahit anong makita ko na tungkol sakanya, bigla ko siyang naaalala. Lord, bawal na po ba talaga? Lord bakit sa lahat ng taong nakilala ko, siya yung minahal ko? Siguro matagal ko nang tinatago ito sa puso ko. Masyadong busy sa school eh. Hindi naman pwe-pwedeng ma-distract ako dahil lang sa reason na "hanggang ngayon, kahit pitong buwan na yung nakakalipas, parang hindi pa rin naghihilom yung puso ko."
Haaay, Nissy, kailan ba tayo magiging maayos nito?
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