Unfortunately, we are not. I don't really know why it turns out that way. Siguro sobrang stubborn ko nung bata ako kaya di ko nae-express yung totoong ako in front of my parents.
There was a time when I saw mama crying in the terrace. They had a huge fight which really made me so confused at that moment. Wala akong alam sa kanila. We never had a heart to heart conversation to each other. Whenever I see other people same with my age tapos they treat their parents as their best friend, there's a sudden impact on my heart. I wish we could be like that too.
I can't even say to them that I love them as much as they do. When I see my father, I am always careful on the things that I do because I am afraid he would shout at me. I'm not really scared at him pero I feel like I should try not to annoy him. He wants everything to be done accordingly to his will which is totally fine but I don't know how to handle the situation whenever I can't do something immediately.
There was a time when he asked me na pumunta ng kapitbahay to return the money, I don't know what to do at that moment because he doesn't know that I am afraid of socializing to other people. I know I'm the one na nagkamali but the moment he shouted my name, I feel terrified. All I want is to cry, but I'm afraid he would see me crying.
Gusto kong ilabas lahat pero nablanko lang ako.
Siguro the reason why I am being like this, too afraid to socialize, is because I am too scared of people coming at me. I always feel weak whenever soneone shouts at me.
I hope I'll overcome this fear.
Yours truly, nissy
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